Persian New Year!

At approximately 7:21p.m., I lit the IKEA tea-candles at my Persian New Year “haftsin” all by myself and waited for the influx of family calls to wish me a happy new year. My mom was the first to call, naturally.

“Do you have something sweet in your mouth?” she asked, harried. I told her I had nothing sweet in the house. “You should really have something sweet in your mouth so your new year will be sweet,” she said.

“Fine, fine, fine…” I took out one of those mini-bottles of jam that you get for room service in hotels and I ate a bite of strawberry jelly. “Are you happy?” She was.

And just when everything seemed lost...

Dear [Persian Perversion],

It was nice to see your email.Sorry if my English is too bad!It's a long time I hadn't have practice.

And sorry to answer late , I hadn't chek my emails for a long time(My father was sick and died one month ago) and I'm so happy that checked it befor it gets too late and befor maybe make you think I don't want to answer !
I've seen your father 5 years ago and in that time he seemed so friendly with his uncle(my father in law)!!!!!Whatever We'll be happy to see you and can take you wherever you like .

If You say the exact date and time we'll be happy to come and take you home.I will leave you the phone number and you can call before coming.

As I know your grandfather and grandmother's grave are at the same place(As I've heard they love'd each others somuch and died in a close time)and you can you can go there if you like .

I would like to have emails from you and ofcourse to see you.

--[your estranged paternal grandmother's brother's son's wife]*

With love

Since I wrote my paternal grandmother's brother's son's wife about visiting Iran... I have gotten no response.

When my dad visited me last weekend, I asked him for her phone-number and he said he'd give it later.

Then today I got this email from him:
"Never ever, ask about my parents or family. Just go to see the graves of other grandparents, mine never existed." [sic]

Persian Commercials

Josh/oatmeal_texas sent me a link to these AMAZING 1970's commercials from pre-Revolution Iran this morning. I've done some rough translations below. These commercials are totally fascinating to me--the pandering and emulation of the West especially.

(0:10)