Last year, in Iran, officials banned the sale of Valentine cards and "other heart-shaped products." This year, selling red roses can land you in jail. Why? Because Valentine's Day is part of the "soft war" in which the West spreads its dreaded culture. Meanwhile, in Iran, I guess the bans are pretty useless because restaurants are booked and the English words "I love you" are printed everywhere.
Why are the mullah's so freaked out about "the spread of Western culture"? I'll tell you why! Because you might end up like me... dating a Jew. This new relationship of mine is somehow at the nexus of a global anxiety. But it only figures, right? You can use me as a litmus test for everything Iran is freaked out about happening to the next generation. Whoops! I'm too far gone to salvage. Consider me a casualty of the soft war. Happy Valentine's, and may you see many heart-shaped products today.
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